Relationships manifest in the most magical ways when you’re open to love and its possibilities. I began practicing celibacy in 2017, without any expectations about love, and ended the year engaged to my twin flame, Na’Im Najieb. I met Na’Im on a flight from New York to Chicago after visiting the Big Apple to support Big Sean in Concert at Radio City Music Hall. I always credit Sean Don for reuniting me with my mirrored soul.
I felt Na’Im staring at me from a few seats in front of me on our flight— his focus was so intense it felt like he was burning a hole through my afro. I was reluctant to look up though. It was 5:30 am, I was tired AF and definitely not in the mood to talk. When I finally decided to submit to his gaze and look up, my energy immediately shifted. I was met with the warmest brown eyes I’ve ever seen on a man. “I like your hair,” Na’Im said complimenting me on my crown. I smiled and replied, “Thank you, I like your locs too.”
Non-monogamous, polyamorous, solo poly, swingers, non-binary, triads and even quads are forms of unconventional romantic relationships where people are practicing what is considered to be ‘open love.’ Yet, within these relationships there are still rules, expectations and obligations that ignite jealousy, arguments, possessiveness and plainly put specialness.
That short exchange led to us riding the blue line train into downtown Chicago together. We were conveniently headed to the same part of town. Along the way we talked about love while sharing a bag of grapes he packed as a snack. (Low key, He had my heart the moment he fed me.) I was naturally attracted to him. There was something about him that felt familiar, and safe. I trusted him.
A few minutes into our conversation he introduced me to his book, Love Is Not A Game: A Manual For Loving Relationships, and I was floored. He was presenting me with the answers to what I asked God for the night before. I told him about how just a few hours prior to us meeting I had broken it off with my on an off again lover from Brooklyn, and declared to God that I wanted and deserved real love. Then, Na’Im asked me to do something with him that no man has ever asked me to do: read the book with him. Immediately my ego fed me thoughts of refusal, but I told him yes. I’m a sapiosexual (a person aroused by intellect) and this really turned me on. It aroused me even further when he didn’t ask for my number, and instead requested my email to deliver a free PDF of his book. We exchanged information, and within a weeks we were reading the book together.
It may sound quirky, but our relationship actually began while reading the book. During that time Na’Im suggested we set a purpose for our budding friendship. This is something I’ve never been asked by a partner in my life. Honestly, setting a purpose is something that most couples rarely do. It’s unconventional, yet necessary. It created a framework for our desires and expectations. We set the purpose of our relationship:
1. Remind each other of our innocence.
2. Support each other in accomplishing our dreams.
3. Join in love with each other and others.
4. Have fun with each other.
5. Remind each other that we are FREE. Na’Im and I discussed what it means to remind each other of our freedom.
We believe in love there are no captives. Love is freedom and we both are free to extend love to all of the partners in our lives. These are not solely restricted to sexual or romantic partners. Our partners are our parents, siblings, friends, pets, co-workers and anyone we develop a meaning connection with as we move through life. “Love is unlimited and it is not special,” Na’Im said. “You are not special…and neither am I. I love everyone as I love you and that’s what makes love real. If love is seen as special, it’s not real.” I completely agreed with him and was elated that I had a man in my life who agreed with my philosophy. I love so many individuals and have relationships with people around the world. I would hate to have to give up that facet of my being just to appease one person. I would feel like I was being held hostage in a relationship.
We believe in love there are no captives. Love is freedom and we both are free to extend love to all of the partners in our life. The partners in our lives are not solely restricted to sexual or romantic partners.
After we set our goals and defining our partnership Na’Im and I began our life together. We’ve traveled the world, started a business together, lived together, taught and coached couples together, all in a matter of eight months. Six months in we were engaged and on our way to planning an unconventional wedding at our home in Harlem. The average person would look at our union and peg it an “OPEN” relationship, but that’s not how we see it. We practice love, which is free, and we don’t need the permission from our life partner to love others. We are living in the way God intended for us all to live. Na’Im accepts me, and everything that comes with my package.
I work in the sex industry as a blogger and broadcaster. I produce adult content. I am a dominatrix. I also enjoy little fetish play where I play a submissive little and he plays as my dominant daddy. He helps me book sessions with my clients, produce my adult content that educates and encourages me to join with others who love me just as much as he does. I accept him, and all the partners in his life. I sit at his feet and listen to the lessons he has for me. I support his projects and visions. I completely submit into my femininity and allow him to lead. Our relationship is one of the few visual examples of a twin flame relationship, one that is comprised of souls who were created together at the formation of their spirits. We represent so many who desire to live free, but we are far from representing the common labels often associated with “free love.”
Non-monogamous, polyamorous, solo poly, swingers, non-binary, triads and even quads are forms of unconventional romantic relationships where people are practicing what is considered to be “open love.” Yet, within these relationships there are still rules, expectations and obligations that ignite jealousy, arguments, possessiveness and plainly put specialness. All of these forms of unconventional relationships are often focused on sex and rarely are focused on purpose (where is this multiperson relationship going?). This is why even in these forms of romantic relationships people still experience issues.
During that time Na’Im suggested we set a purpose for our budding friendship. This is something I’ve never been asked by a partner in my life. Honestly, setting a purpose is something that most couples rarely do. It’s unconventional, yet necessary.
In my relationship with Na’Im we don’t hold expectations for each other. We never argue. We focus on our big picture, which is that we are on the same team. We use our purpose to anchor our love at all times. Sex is not the primary focus of our relationship. Yet, sex is used to aid in our healing and the healing of anyone else that we decide to join with, together or separately. We don’t expect people to understand. Our relationship works because we share the same purpose and the same curriculum. A curriculum is defined as a thought system that assists us in how to handle the ego when it begins to feed us lies about each other, or when the ego tries to attack from outside via others who we love. Without a common purpose and common curriculum, relationships are bound to fail.
I knew early on that monogamy was not the form of romantic relationship for me. To be in a loving partnership with a man who is completely understanding of our freedom within love is what I asked God for. And I couldn’t be happier. Unconventional romantic relationships are awesome and they take just as much work as monogamous ones. The work is in remembering the truth about each other in love, and remembering why you’re together and where you’re headed.
Glamazon Tyomi is CASSIUS’ resident sexpert. Follow her at @GlamazonTyomi.
First Person: My Husband and I Practice ‘Free Love’ was originally published on cassiuslife.com