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Netlfix, Netflix and Chill

The mornings are getting cold and the sun starts setting at the six o’clock hour. October brings colder days and nights as the weather is no longer ideal for frolicking on rooftops, lying on beaches, or dining on sidewalks.

Cuffing season is around the corner, but the tenth month is the official preseason of this yearly ritual. In fact, here in New York, it’s raining for six days straight this week. So I decided to do my duty and provide a set of rules culminating in the perfect Netflix & Chill.

For those of you who still don’t know, Netflix & Chill means you want to watch a movie and then (or simultaneously) have sex. If that’s not what it means to you, that’s what it means for this post. Which brings us to rule number one…

Rule 1: Netflix never means Netflix:

Watching Netflix for the sake of just watching Netflix is like giving up and deciding you want to be Cole from Martin for the rest of your life. Or Aquaman. Or a little old lady who just wants to tend to her cats until the end of eternity, and never know the touch of true love from another human.

Rule 2: Have a comfortable couch:

Comfort is key, because there is no way you can chill if you can’t get comfortable. An uncomfortable couch can have you actually watching the movie. On a good Netflix & Chill date, you want it to flow from the couch to cuddling to the bedroom. Also, don’t invite anyone over if your apartment isn’t clean.

Rule 3: Provide food:

If you’re planning on entertaining at your apartment, you should have food. Cooking it yourself makes “chilling” more likely to happen, but there’s nothing wrong with Seamless, GrubHub, or just having your local take-out spot on speed dial. Plus, it’s scientifically proven that eating the right food leads to better sex.

Rule 4: Have good snacks:

In the words of Wild ‘N Out‘s Matt Rife, “If you got Gushers, I’m down for whatever.” Movies, candy, and things you can quickly eat go together like Netflix & Chill. If you bring out a bowl of freshly popped popcorn, some chocolate, or other snacks for the movie, it tells your significant other you’re “chill“-worthy.

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Rule 5: Coffee and tea:

Women love coffee and tea. Men love coffee and tea. Still, that’s not the reason for this drink of choice. Offering coffee or tea is a lot less threatening than offering a shot of Patron or any other libation.

Rule 6: Have liquor:

Scratch what I just said. Because you’ll need something to spike your coffee and tea.

Rule 7: Pick the right movie:

I saw a list of great Netflix & Chill movies that weren’t that great for the actual deed. There’s a science to picking the right flick to get your date in the mood. You don’t want anything too sad, or a movie with a tremendous amount of killing involved. The last thing you want to hear when you’re bumping uglies is the sound of (spoiler) young Macaulay Culkin getting stung to death by bees at the end of My Girl. Total mood killer.

Rule 8: There are two kinds of Netflix & Chill. Pick the right one:

The first is when you end up having sex before the movie is over, and the other is when you have sex after the movie is over. This is important because you have to gauge what type of N&C your bae is down for. The last thing you want to do is pull your junk out before it’s supposed to be pulled out.

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Rule 9: Pick a movie they’ve never heard of:

It’s always nice to put bae onto a movie they’ve never heard of, but just have to watch. Everyone wants to feel like they’re getting something better than what they’re used to. Indie movies or movies that rocked it at Sundance are good to stream. Here is a great list of films, and here’s another of Under The Radar movies.

Rule 10: The documentary:

If you want to get straight to the chilling, have a good documentary on hand. Your bae will think you’re smart and it might be boring enough to allow you to start chilling halfway through. That’s the goal, right?

Rule 11: Enjoy the moment, expect nothing:

While we should always know Netflix & Chill is code for ‘come over so we can have hot sweaty sex,’ we should never think it’s an automatic slam dunk. You might end up literally watching Netflix and chilling, but that’s OK.

Rule 12: This one is on you:

Head to your Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and use the hashtag #NetflixAndChillRules to let us know your Netflix & Chill game plan. We’ll be sure to retweet the best ones.

@BlogXillaI am a self-taught journalist who overcame insurmountable odds to become an influential media personality. I create things for “Folks With Nothing Better To Do.”

PHOTO CREDIT: Getty

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