Breaking up or being dumped can leave a lasting scar that negatively impacts one’s daily activities and well-being. Sometimes letting that lover go is not as easy as saying goodbye and changing their names to “Never Answer” in your address book. Quite often both men and women are stuck moving forward, and in some cases putting their lives back together.
Colin Christopher is a clinical hypnotherapist certified by the American Council of Hypnotist Examiners, and author of Success Through Manipulation: Subconscious Reactions That Will Make or Break You. He works with many men and women who have experienced breakups, helping them move forward with their lives.
Some of his tips for moving on after a breakup, they have already helped me:
1. Change your thinking:
Most people going through a breakup are constantly reliving and thinking about the negative aspects of that relationship, and it takes a toll in the way of low self-esteem and decreased confidence. Start by spending at least 10 minutes each day reciting positive thoughts or affirmations. For example: “I am strong, confident, attractive and make a great life partner.”
2. Take a break:
Give yourself as much time as you need to recover. Don’t let anyone pressure you into believing you have to jump back into dating or seeing other people immediately. This isn’t a race and only you will know when you’re ready.
3. Seek support:
There is no reason to ride the emotional rollercoaster alone. Talk to close friends, family members or a therapist that you feel comfortable with. Find a local support group and talk to others who are going through the same thing.
4. Do something fun:
Immediately following a break up, do something you really enjoy doing. It could be mountain climbing, exercising, bird watching, taking that trip to Europe with your best friend or whatever. In the beginning stages of a breakup, do whatever you have to in order to make yourself feel better.
5. Don’t play the blame game:
Whether you feel the breakup was a result of his actions or something you did, stop playing the blame game. See it as a learning experience and put the focus on moving on.
6. Don’t have any more contact with each other:
When you’re fresh out of a relationship, there is a tendency by the person who was dumped to reread old emails, love letters and even try to ‘accidentally’ have a run in with their ex. The best way to move on is to forget about him altogether. Delete old emails, take him out of your phone book and don’t spy on him or check in on him on Facebook.
7. Don’t contact an old ex:
When you go through a breakup, that feeling of being wanted and needed is missing. Many people have a tendency to contact a long lost ex who knows them well and could make them feel comfortable and wanted again. While this might seem like a good idea, it will actually hold you back from moving on.
8. Focus on the future:
When you’re ready to move on, think about what your life looks like next year at this time. Define what you really want. Write down what your ideal mate looks like, his or her characteristics, how he treats you, and finally, picture the two of you doing all kinds of activities together. There is a definite connection to attracting what you’re focused on.
Check Out This Gallery Of Breakup Songs To Help You Through:
20 Breakup Songs That Helped Us Make It Through!
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1. Chrisette Michele "Blame It On Me"
Chrisette Michele sang her heart out in the song, "Blame It On Me." This song definitely inspired the girl-power moment for girls who's so over their man's games!
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2. Ashanti "Foolish"
Ashanti's first single, "Foolish", was definitely a 2002 breakup anthem! How many of us can relate to acting "foolish" when it comes to breaking up, making up and breaking up again? Ashanti was speaking the truth!
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3. Tamar Braxton "Love & War"
If you ever felt like your relationship was a straddling the fence between love and war, Tamar Braxton's first single "Love & War" is the perfect song to help you make it through!
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4. Ne-Yo "So Sick"
Ne-Yo's "So Sick" is just one of those feel good songs that you just have to have on your break up play list.
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5. Beyonce "Irreplacable"
When Beyonce dropped this single, she had girls worldwide sending their exes "to the left, to the left". Let this be a reminder to you, don't ever get too comfortable and think you're "Irreplaceable".
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6. Rihanna "Take A Bow"
Rihanna's "Take A Bow" is for the girl who's tired of hearing her man putting on the same show and apologizing over and over. Like the song said, go on and take a bow!
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7. Justin Timberlake "Cry Me A River"
Since this song was inspired by a real life breakup, Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me A River" is a song many of us can relate to. In the music video, Justin gets the ultimate revenge: he pays a visit to his ex's house and tapes himself hooking up with another girl! Ouch!
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8. Boyz II Men "End Of The Road"
"End of the Road" is one of those timeless Boyz II Men classics that will never get old and will always make you shed an extra tear or two!
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9. Chris Brown "Deuces"
Whether you love or hate Chris Brown, one thing for sure is that throwing up the "Deuces" to your ex is one of the greatest send offs of all time.
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10. Donell Jones "Where I Wanna Be"
Donell Jones said it best, "when you love someone you just don't treat them bad".
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11. Lauryn Hill "Ex Factor"
Lauryn broke it down for us on "Ex Factor". She sings, "No matter how I think we grow, You always seem to let me know, It ain't workin'." Enough said.
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12. Heather Headly "I Wish I Wasn't"
Heather speaks on what all of us have wished after a break up: "i wish I wasn't in love with you so you couldn't hurt me". She knows.
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13. Toni Braxton "Unbreak My Heart"
The oldest of the Braxton clan knows a little something or two about broken hearts. In her soulful ballad, "Unbreak My Heart", she sings about her lost love who's broken her heart and wanting him to come back and love her again.
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14. Janet Jackson "Again"
This song is a favorite of many as Janet Jackson vows that she would never fall in love with the man who hurt her, "Again".
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15. Usher "Burn"
What do you do when you've tried everything to make it last and nothing works? Do like Usher says and let it "Burn".
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16. Vivian Green "Emotional Rollercoaster"
We can all relate to the ups and downs in a relationship that Vivian Green likes to call an "Emotional Rollercoaster".
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17. Chris Brown "Say Goodbye"
Chris Brown may have been just a teenager when this song came out, but he sure knew a thing or two about breaking up. In the song, "Say Goodbye", Chris sings about finally saying goodbye to the one he loved when it just wasn't working anymore.
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18. Jazmine Sullivan "Bust Your Windows"
Whew, Jazmine might have started a movement with this song! For any girl that was tired of being the better person, "Bust Your Windows" was perfect for you. Just don't go busting any windows out of your ex's car in real life.
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19. Fantasia "Free Yourself"
“If you don’t want me then don’t talk to me," Fantasia sings on "Free Yourself", telling her man to free himself if he doesn't want her. Sing it girl!
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20. Mary J Blige "Not Gon Cry"
We saved the best for last, Mary J Blige's "Not Gon Cry." This track has gotten women through plenty of break ups since the release of the movie, "Waiting To Exhale" and will continue to keep us from crying for years to come. Thanks, Mary!
Don’t Contact Your Ex + 7 More Tips For Moving On After A Breakup was originally published on hellobeautiful.com